Division
by Cafe de Flore
Summary: Haise Sasaki finds himself in a weird place - there's a part of him that's content with his current life, but there's also someone else looming deep inside of him, awakened by someone in particular. Someone who seems to be very important, very familiar, very... necessary.
Happening shortly after the second time Haise Sasaki came to :re

The vibration of her gentle voice still rang in his head.

The chilly wind blew the autumn leaves past his feet, creating hushed sounds in otherwise completely silent street. It was empty all around, but nevertheless Haise stood under the shade of the tree, hidden and motionless.

The still in this part of the city was not a sign of impending doom; it was just simply what it was - peaceful evening, silent and calm. However he couldn't relax and enjoy any of that. Inside he felt tormented.

He couldn't very well remember the exact reason he told himself of why would he come here in the first place, but getting her address was easy. Resisting to come here afterwards - apparently impossible. Now he found himself in front of the girl's house, hiding under a tree like a stalker. Maybe he should go...

A light lit up in one of the windows and after a second someone opened it. He could swear he saw a glimpse of a hand, but that might as well have been his imagination tripping over the swinging curtains. Haise closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, reminiscing the strangely familiar scent of fragrance that he imagined he felt even now. Floral perfume mixed with pleasant and unique smell of that young woman, and all that with a tint of freshly brewed coffee. That smell stung him in the chest like a blade, and he couldn't figure out why. Maybe that was why he stood here. She was just across the street, so unbearably close, behind light curtains…

She had so much power over him, and now as he stood here he felt like a slave of _something_ she made him feel. He couldn't even name it. Insane attraction and unfightable curiosity that felt unearthly. Haise had been interested in girls before, but this - it was a frightening obsession. And it surely urged him to do weird things.

He had a suspicion why, though. Perhaps a part of him, forgotten and hidden part of him earned to make a manifest, it fought through all the barriers Haise put up. Perhaps because this girl was from his past.

But it made no sense. Beautiful, cute, good person like this associated with his past? The past he barely knew anything of… only that now he was not who he used to be. He used to be a bad person, and that person died alongside Haise's need to find out anything about him. This ghost of his past had to be forgotten for everyone's sake. It went well for two years, Haise managed to somewhat successfully build a life from scratch, strengthening his current relationships and doing his best at CCG. He had no need to know anything about that past. Until he met her.

Her beautiful face and deep blue eyes - looking into them Haise knew it wasn't the first time he gazed there. Her voice felt so close to him, merely forgotten… everything about her was so painfully familiar, so intimate he couldn't shake that off. He couldn't forget and turn away like he did before. She attracted him like the light attracts moths. And she spoke to him. With a sad, but still beautiful smile, and most importantly - no fear. Like someone who might have known him well. Why someone who lived in this body before Haise would know such a nice person like her? Why would she look at him as if she… missed him?

Haise's heart pounded in his chest, as he dragged his feet towards his destination. Fear smothered him like a scarf around his neck, making it hard to breathe. He didn't want to remember, but walked straight that path. He felt threatened, Haise himself being the responsible one, though it felt more like someone else was guiding his actions.

The curtains flapped in the wind, and his nose caught a smell of coffee… and her. He stopped in his tracks but to no avail. He knew he might end up barging in. Newspaper headline flashed in his mind: "First class CCG investigator, mentor of the QS squad Haise Sasaki arrested for stalking and intrusion."

To think, he didn't even know her name…

The curtains swung easily, elegantly, somehow luring him.

The next second he was inside.

The girl leaped up from her chair, instinctively backing away in a defensive stance with peculiar speed and precision.

Haise pressed himself against the windowsill and closed his eyes, trying to remain calm and stay put, not to frighten her any more, and most importantly - prevent himself from being more intrusive than he just were. It felt like looking at her for too long would provoke him into doing something wrong, something from where there would be no going back. Like… if he opened his eyes, he couldn't resist.

"What are you doing here?"

Her voice wasn't as gentle as he heard before, but it didn't surprise him, bearing in mind the circumstances of this meeting. And yet, it was rather calm, without a trace of fear or anger, only laced with curiosity. Not a hysterical scream you might expect when you jump in through the window to someone's house, but instead a calm, even slow response, happening well after she got a good look who the intruder was.

He heard a step, he heard her getting closer. He could now even hear her breathing, and as uncomfortable silence was interrupted solely by the sound of their breaths - he unwillingly opened his eyes.

If at first she was alarmed, now stood relaxed. Her hands slid into the pockets of her skirt as she stood in the middle of the room, straight before Haise, who was still sticking next to the window.

But really, what was he doing here?

Haise didn't have an answer, and she saw that. As he stayed silent for another second, her look changed from a curious to already familiar, saddened gaze she gave him at her coffee shop. Her shoulders slowly, almost invisibly, lowered, like someone's who has just lost hope. He could only keep guessing the details of his past from her reactions, and so far the two pictures - t _he one in his mind and another painted by her_ \- didn't match. He looked at her like someone who he just met. She looked at him differently; she didn't see Haise, but rather someone who he used to be.

"You…" He didn't know her name. He studied her visible eye and a beautiful face, partly covered and framed by wavy fair hair. His eyes caught a uniform hanging in the closet behind her, and a name tag. Kirishima Touka.

"Touka." Like everything else, even her name on his lips felt familiar. His eyes wandered back to her face, with a sudden urge to pull away some strands, covering her right eye. The left one watched his movements.

He wished she would smile.

Standing in front of her felt painful. His chest hurt, breathing hurt, being motionless hurt. It hurt so bad he couldn't think, and with a whim of his subconsciousness his hand rose to her face, fingers entangling in her hair as he stepped closer.

With the first touch of his fingertips, softly landing on her cheek, she closed her eyes and slowly, he watched as her nostrils almost unnoticeably widen, her chest puffing out a little as she took a deep breath, he saw how her eyelashes shivered as she slowly exhaled a constrained sigh.

Something inside him shuddered. The most beautiful girl he has ever met melted against his touch, successfully pulling his mind further into madness and leaving him questioning his past. Was it really that bad? If she was a part of it, how could it have been bad?

His face gradually got closer to hers without a proper thought, aiming to smell her hair and he inhaled deeply as his nose touched a strand. Her whole body shivered, her arm rising up, small goosebumps apparent on her skin. Suddenly the hand that softly rested on his chest tightly gripped the lapel of his jacket. He could feel her hot breath on his neck, sending cold shivers down his spine.

"Touka, I..." A mere whisper left his lips. "I can't shake the feeling I'm being unfair to you." She clearly knew something he didn't, something he forgot. Her feelings, whatever they may be, had been built on something that no longer existed in his mind. His feelings… were just a mystery.

Her body gently leaned against his by her own will.

"I think it's you who's getting the short end of the stick… Sasaki Haise." There was a weird aspect to the way she called out his name, but he forgot that as her lips suddenly got a lot closer to his, leaving a mere distance.

"Right now… I don't care." He answered and leaned in, his hand sliding on the small of her back, lips trying to remove that little distance, but Touka tilted her head away.

He glanced into her closed eyes, and with a flutter of the eyelashes they opened. Provocatively staring at him was a pair of different eyes, blood red pupils framed in black.

"And now? Do you care now?" she hissed.

Haise looked down at her, at the pair of bloodshot ghoul eyes. Instead of an answer his lips covered her mouth.

 _No. He didn't care._

He dived into the moment, immersing himself in the hushed sighs that left her lips and gentle strokes of her fingers. She tasted sweet, and her skin so soft and delicate under his palms. He pulled her closer, her body pressing against his, becoming responsive, succumbing to his touch. The skin of her neck smelled with light perfume, the smell he knew from before. It was as if he forgot everything, but the smells remained to remind him of the past. He inhaled deeply, pressing his nose against her skin. Her hair fell back freely as she tilted her head, granting him access to her shoulder that Haise kissed, pulling the collar of her shirt away.

Her lips found his again with some persistence, her hands pulling his head deeper into the kiss. Haise run his hand down on her chest, teasingly nibbling at the buttons of her clothes, and Touka halted the kiss as the burst of desire froze her muscles. She lowered her hands, letting the shirt fall off her shoulders, and stepped back, towards a bed at the other side of the room, leaving him with no other choice than to follow with the way she looked up at him. He stepped closer, throwing his jacket on the ground, followed by his shirt. He could have sworn he saw her mouth curve into a peculiar smirk seeing his uncovered body, but she also looked very pleased. Her hand reached for his belt and her fingers slid a few centimeters behind the rim of his pants, the move that made him twitch with excitement. She pulled him closer, and her fingers rose up to undo the rest of his clothes. Making sure all the buttons were undone, Touka gazed up, slowly pulling the fabrics down. It was hard to stay focused, his thoughts echoing only with the rough breathing sounds coming from his throat. He stared at her lips, wishing he could reach to kiss them; yet the next second the thought faded into nothingness as he watched those lips welcoming him inside her mouth.

The next thing he saw was the pattern of her ceiling.

The feeling of heat and wetness sent cold shivers through his skin, his mouth heaving for air somewhat desperately. His mind hovered somewhere in between consciousness and dreamlands, his body, engulfed in pleasure, was straining not to fall down, and upon looking down again he couldn't handle himself any more. Everything what was happening seemed to be nothing more than a dream, because it felt too good to be true. It was too good to be true.

Haise scooped her up, quickly carrying her body up and laying her in the middle of the bed. He pulled down her bra, not bothering with clasps at the back, sinking his teeth into the nipple and squeezing her breasts with his hands. She breathed loudly, responsive to every little touch of his fingers or lips, and as his hand slowly slid down on her hip, she wriggled underneath him, unable to stay still. Her fingers dug deep into the pillow when one of his hands slid under her skirt, a moan through half-bitten lip escaped her when her underwear was pulled down her thighs.

Haise slowed his movements, savouring this moment when Touka heaved and waited for his hand that hovered between her shivering legs. His fingertips grazed the inner part of her creamy, soft thigh, slowly ascending and torturing her with the waiting. Finally her whole body shook, her lungs filling up with a hasty gasp, and Haise's fingers soiled in wetness. He tried to restrain himself but only in vain, his hand taking no time to go deeper - and her body underneath him curved, bringing her breasts right before his eyes. His lips took in a nipple again as his fingers slid up and down, making Touka clench her teeth and try to muffle her screams.

Haise kissed her on the lips again, slowly examining her mouth with his tongue, and his fingers slid deep inside her. Touka's body jerked against him and she tried to shout, but only a weak sound coming from her throat melted into the kiss.

With her beautiful hair spread on the pillows she gazed up at him with determination, but Haise didn't need any convincing. He traced his fingers on her cheek and rosy lips, down her neck and between her breasts, to the waist where crumpled clothes still hid a small part of her body. He set himself between her legs, her soft thighs opening to let him in, her skin goose-bumped as his hands softly caressed them. Haise leaned above her, closing in the distance between their mouths, as one of his hands helped him inside of her. It was slippery down there, and just as he hovered with only his tip inside, Touka held her breath with impatience - with her pleading eyes now rammed into his and bitten lower lip, she was fully at his mercy.

He moved in, slowly. Whatever Touka held inside her lungs escaped as a loud moan, and seeing her face warped in pleasure made him want to see that again and again. He slid in and out, lowering himself on top of her as her arms wrapped around his neck, and kept on moving. She breathed deeply next to his ear, affectionately, now with her eyes closed and her body clinging closer to his, accepting the pleasure. If she only knew how much of it she was giving him… he closed his eyes too, resting his face against her cheek, smelling the scent that drew him here, to her arms.

He was being unfair to himself, she said, but having her like this didn't feel like he was losing anything. It was true that he didn't remember anything what had happened between them before, but loss of his memories didn't translate to loss of emotions and feelings. As he became one with her over and over again, her wails dubbing his sighs, her eyes so deep he could have drown in them - he loved her with all of his heart, loved and treasured and adored, without telling how these feelings found way into his tormented heart, but refusing to question that just now.

She held onto his shoulders tightly, her whole body tensed, her legs spread for him to fit between them, hardened nipples tickling at his chest. His every move called out a moan, some slow and extended, some short and exasperated, coming together with a tighter grip - a grip of his shoulders, and a grip down there. Haise clenched his teeth, with this intensity... His lips found her shoulder where he gently bit, and Touka responded with a half sigh, half laugh, as if remembering something funny. He didn't care he didn't know, all that mattered was that smile painted across her lips. He covered the smile with his mouth, and shoved in harder. He wanted to love her. Her body jerked up now whenever he pushed it inside, and he pulled his lips away because he wanted to hear her scream. And she did, beautifully shouting with deep pleasure-sprinkled voice, as he rhythmically pounded, faster with each thrust. He held her body steady, close to his, moving and listening to her shouts as she climbed up. She squeezed him tightly down there as her body froze, her breaths getting agonic, face warped in pre-ecstasy. Haise gazed down at her face, enjoying the view now that he could see her skin so clearly, her beautiful lips eventually forming into mysterious gaping slit through which a sound of divine pleasure escaped, as her body tensed and stopped moving and then shivered as she orgasmed. It took a few more of deep pushes for him to meet her in equal ecstasy, and the world around him suddenly blended into contourless mass of space, sounds becoming a static noise and the only palpable sensation was pulsing down there where their bodies joined.

Touka.

He laid there, squeezing her in his arms, refusing to let go even though she shuffled, their sweaty skin sticking.

Touka.

He closed his eyes against her neck, savouring the moment.

Touka.

And she finally slid away, assembling back her skirt and pulling on her clothes. She looked at him gently, with a small smile on her lips. Then continued to crawl on the bed and once again glued their lips. Perhaps just for a short peck, but somehow it grew into a long, true kiss, the kind they should have experienced before making love.

She ran her fingers through his white hair, then gazed at the strands in her hand, much like he did just minutes ago. Her eyes fixed at his, inspecting every little detail of his face, the curve of his lips, the stubble on his chin, the darkened skin under his eyes. Haise wondered what she actually saw.

He got dressed, but sat on her bed, reluctant to leave yet clueless what to do or say. Fazed, he could only think a single thing. _How badly he wanted to remember._

Touka laid on the bed, closed and her eyes and smiled. A sigh followed. She looked content.

"Should I…" he began, carefully. Somehow being with her made him feel shy. "Should I leave?"

She opened her eyes, still looking happy, and thought for a second. "Perhaps." She sat up then, gazing into his eyes softly. Her voice got silent like a whisper, and a little sad. "But this time I won't tell you not to come back."

A smutty expression warped her lips after these words as she very well knew he didn't know the meaning behind it. It's as if she was giving him a quest. A quest to remember. Like he needed it… She was more than enough for a reason.


End file.
